By Mike Cushionbury
Last night I saw this thing called the Body Toner being hawked on TV by a former Mr. America and a former pro football wide receiver. They said they never have to work out anymore. Just hook up the Body Toner electrodes to their muscles to get a full gym workout in something like 60 seconds (?cause the electricity causes mega muscle contractions) without ever leaving the couch. You too can do the same by sending a wad of cash and picking up the ?Toner. No more gym work, just the couch and a jolt of electricity to get totally beefcake?d.
I got it all planned, ya see. I kick it in the double wide on the couch with my fried chicken TV dinner, watchin? tractor pulls, NASCAR, WWF and callin? the Psychic Hotline all the while with the Body Toner hooked up to my legs and heart. I?m going pro the easy way. See you on the short course start line in Big Bear this weekend!